The real reason I didn’t go? I couldn’t find anything that fit nicely and looked good. I tried mind you. Early am shopping to beat the crowds on several days, did my hair so I could imagine what I’d look like today.

I know I should have just sucked up my own insecurities and helped my friend celebrate on such an important day. Easier said than done.

The worse part, even worse than missing her special day, was lying. I know my friend would never doubt the reason I gave for not being there. I sent a text via my BFF, cowardly I know. She won’t doubt me either. In fact, she called me an hour ago to check up on me and ask if I needed anything. I sure do, a new honest soul.

Is this what I’ve become? So ashamed of my weight and how I look that I would rather lie to my friends, hide myself and miss important life moments? What is wrong with me?

There are those who say, “Forget what size you want to be. Dress the best you can right now and enjoy your life.” I’m not there yet, and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to admit that I have to pay extra for larger clothes that aren’t as stylish because I need to hide my heavy thighs and blubbery arms.

I’m waiting for the tears to come. They haven’t yet. I think I’m too numb over what I did. Sleep won’t come easy tonight.

Take care everyone, and best of luck to us all on this weight loss journey. Sending positive thoughts.

When will I learn? Nothing taste as good as thin feels. And that is the truth. No meal or dessert has ever made me feel the way I felt when I put on a dress and look smokin’. I don’t mean skinny either. I mean healthy, with just the right balance of muscle and curves.

Makes me so disappointed in myself. Having to start all over is daunting, even on a meal to meal basis. Thinking of squeezing in another workout, even one I like is…well, there are no words right now. Oh well, nothing to do but get it done.

Here’s to hoping that I have a better day. Good luck to us all.

The ladies in the classes are all shapes and sizes, but are required to wear something that shows a little bit of midriff. Even when my moves aren’t perfect, I feel good doing them. Never have I felt so sexy while losing weight. Scratch that, I’ve never felt sexy exercising in any gym. No watching is allowed, if guys want to watch they have to be actively participating. Needless to say we’ve not had one single guy opt to stay. We feel free to dance, look and be sexy. And yes, lose weight.

Here’s to hoping that everything is coming together. Good luck to us all.

My brain and body are battling each other. When I’m not dead tired and ravenous, I’m awake, boiling hot and nauseated by the sight of food.  AARRGGHH!!

So I’m here trying to distract myself from eating, then feeling guilty about it, then overeating because I gave up trying not to eat. Maybe if I keep my fingers busy typing, I’ll keep my hands away from my mouth. We shall see…

Let’s hope for the best.

Overcame my almost choking need to eat due to stress this afternoon. I knew I was sleep deprived, had a stressful situation, and reached for the sweets. Stopped myself mid-reach and spent the extra 10 min prepping for lunch and a brown-bag meal for work. Not necessarily a whoop-whoop but all the little steps count toward the goal of a better life right?

 Well, it’s 3:45 and I need to take a nap before work. Good luck to all.

Also, any ideas for working out in the heat? I probably should get in the pool, but I can’t even seem to motivate myself enough to do that.  Gosh, I sound like a sally-girl.  If I weren’t me, I wouldn’t feel sorry for myself one bit.  What’s going on??

Help!!

Some of it has to do with weather, but mostly it’s been the exercise and avoidance of social situations.  I’m starting to like my body, but I’m not confident enough yet to bare it for public scrutiny.  And what if I don’t get to where I am confident?  Am I going to miss out on life because of my insecurities? How will that affect my relationship with my son?

There’s a birthday party for a co-worker’s 40th, then a night shift party thrown by one of the night attendings at a lakeside resort he owns.  What am I gonna do?  Other than double up on exercise and try to sneak in low cal snacks for energy? I know I need to ramp up fat burning, but I tend to become ravenous when I do.  So hungry that I don’t stop myself until I’ve wrecked shop.

I don’t want to spend another outing covered up in a hoodie and capris because I’m ashamed of my body. Any suggestions?

Help and thanks.

So, should I mess with what’s just started working? I have recently been offered an opportunity in travel nursing.  Should I mess with what’s going right? Should I leave a life that’s been planned and routine for the unknown?  Will it derail me? Hmm…