lolaislosingit

When’s the summer fun gonna start?  I swear I’ve only had 3 solid days of it this year.

Some of it has to do with weather, but mostly it’s been the exercise and avoidance of social situations.  I’m starting to like my body, but I’m not confident enough yet to bare it for public scrutiny.  And what if I don’t get to where I am confident?  Am I going to miss out on life because of my insecurities? How will that affect my relationship with my son?

There’s a birthday party for a co-worker’s 40th, then a night shift party thrown by one of the night attendings at a lakeside resort he owns.  What am I gonna do?  Other than double up on exercise and try to sneak in low cal snacks for energy? I know I need to ramp up fat burning, but I tend to become ravenous when I do.  So hungry that I don’t stop myself until I’ve wrecked shop.

I don’t want to spend another outing covered up in a hoodie and capris because I’m ashamed of my body. Any suggestions?

Help and thanks.

I’ve gotten my diet and exercise regimen mostly under control. Occasionally I fall victim to the siren call of some super chocolatey concoction. Still managed to lose 1 pound since my last weigh-in. Not a lot, but better than none.

So, should I mess with what’s just started working? I have recently been offered an opportunity in travel nursing.  Should I mess with what’s going right? Should I leave a life that’s been planned and routine for the unknown?  Will it derail me? Hmm…

It’s become an even more beautiful day.  For completely shallow reasons even.  : )

I’ve been using my grill pan like crazy lately. Weather’s not been great, cloudy and rainy outside for weeks. Today turned out to be a great day so I decided to go out and buy a grill. Bought a cheapy charcoal one just to see if I’d use it a lot.  If I do, I’ll buy a gas one at the end of the season.

Well, you can’t have a grilling day without some form of liquor. By you, I mean me. And I got carded at the liquor store.  Which only tends to happen when I’ve lost weight. It seems to come off my face first.  When I got home I got on the scale. Five more pounds gone! Haven’t weighed myself in two weeks. Super excited!!

I can’t tell you that it’s been easy.  It hasn’t been. As a matter of fact, it’s been very hard. I’d gone so far as to have my son hide my debit card. I had to eat what I’d brought to work or starve. The only way I was making change was if it hit me in the head with a brick. But it works and it’s not detrimental to my mental or physical help, so I’m gonna keep doing it.

Here’s to hoping everyone’s day becomes a beautiful day in some way.

I’m changing more than just my eating and exercise habits.  My son is benefiting from the changes that I’ve been making. 

Yesterday we ordered a pizza dinner from a local fave. It comes with a large pepperoni and cheese pizza, cheesy garlic bread and family sized salad.  I piled 1/2 of my plate with the salad, and 2 small slices of the pizza. By the time I was done eating the salad and began eating the pizza, I was starting to get full.  I managed to get through one whole slice and part of the second before I gave up. 

Unimaginable less than a month ago. I would have eaten 4 huge slices of that pizza and maybe a cup of the salad.  I won’t lie and tell you the salad was so delicious that I didn’t miss the pizza. But the way I felt about not overeating far overshadowed the taste of the pizza. And never mind how I would have felt about myself for eating those four slices.

So you may (or may not) wonder about my son’s change.  He did the same as I did.  Well, almost.  He ate half a plate full of salad and 4 slices of pizza and 1/4 of the garlic bread.  That’s monumental for him.  He would have eaten that whole pizza, and garlic bread without really looking at the salad. Not that we don’t eat fruits and veggies.  His focus usually isn’t on loading up on them.

So that’s my contribution to the cosmos.  Teaching my son that you can have a healthy balance of healthy food and splurge foods.

Enjoying the day even if it’s not the best weather.

Have enlisted my son in my goals. He wanted to know why I was eating from a smaller plate than he was. I told him I was trying to get healthier, and part of that included eating less. He told me he was going to eat less too so we could “do this” together.

Although I feel bad about exposing him to my eating problems, his support feels good.

Did okay today. I think I’m turning a small corner here. Hope a chocolate frosted cake isn’t waiting for me though. lol

Survivor of the July 4th weekend. Managed to take my breaks, eat my meals and have snacks. 

Enjoyed a small piece of chocolate brownie last night. Didn’t feel guilty. Savored every bite over 15 minutes. Yum. I’m gonna do an extra 20 minutes of some exercise DVD today before I go to bed.

I’m invited to a house warming cookout today. I’m gonna eat dinner at home, and bring my own low fat trifle and having 1/2 cup of it. Keeping apples and orange slices in car to help curb any cravings. Only planning on staying for 1 hour since I’ll probably be tired. Sleepiness and fatigue are some of my overeating triggers.

Bring it on, I’ve got a plan for success. 

Two twelve hour shifts down, one to go. My feet are holding up and so is my resolve.  I’m eating my prepacked dinners and snacks. Not being tempted by the goodies and treats that are brought into the ER.

Survived the 4th intact. Had 2 turkey hot dogs on whole wheat rolls with kraut and mustard. 1/4 cup baked beans. Not sweatin’ the beans being full fat. Don’t like the fake stuff, and I just ate less of the real.

At work I made sure I ate immediately before they set up our 4th of July potluck. I could honestly say I wasn’t hungry when I turned down food. Nobody’s been noticing (I hope).

Well, let’s hope I can make it 3 for 3.

Count even the small victories. Those add up too.

Getting ready to work three 12 hour shifts in a row.  ARRGH!!

I work every Sat, Sun and Wednesday nights, 12 hour shifts. Occasionally a holiday will fall on a Saturday. Which would be great if I worked day shift, but I don’t. When you work nights, the holiday falls the night before. Hence my 3 twelves in a row.  (crying) Well, at least it’s holiday pay. I’m trying to put a positive spin on it somehow.

Holiday + heat + swimming + alcohol + fire + fireworks = super busy ER. Should be interesting. No breaks, all standing. I’m holding a pity party right now.

I’ve laid out my meals in the fridge. Lots of low point snacks, even fat free half and half for the coffee I drink at work. My son has hidden my debit card and I have no cash. Recipe for success right? That’s what I’m shooting for.

Wish me luck, and same to you.

FLAMIN’ FIRES!?!?!

My weeks of sticking to a good eating plan and schedule have gone the way of the do-do bird.  Mostly. Almost ate a cate (yes frosted) by myself. Wasn’t even a really good cake, not my favorite flavor even. Why? Don’t know. Boredom? Certainly not hunger. WTF!!

But I’m back on track. Have thrown the cake away. Exercised extra. Cried. Nothing else left to do but start over for dinner. I’m not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Gonna have a small, healthy, and filling dinner with salad. No dessert.

Exhaling and praying.

Am feeling icky with some crazy burning sensation in my belly since yesterday. Not heartburn, actual intestines feel like their on fire.  Too graphic? Sorry. I can’t even look at my favorite food - chocolate without wanting to drink a gallon of ice water.

However, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost even more weight. Got asked twice yesterday if I’m losing weight. I’m sure my turning down Barb the Tempress’ treats has not gone unnoticed. I told the people who asked that it must way the scrubs look.  I’m hoping to keep my attemps at weight loss quiet as long as possible.

Why? I don’t want to fall prey to the saboteurs (love that word). There are many overweight people on my shift. People who try to get you to try the treats, eat just a little more, order out, etc.  All in the name of being nice, but not really being good for you.

Then there are those who once you announce you’re on a diet become your food monitor. “Are you supposed to be eating that?” “Is that part of your diet?” Don’t want to deal with that right away. 

Love my friends who tell me I look great. They support me no matter what I weigh. Some of them have lost 50 lbs or more so they know the struggle. And while I love them for loving me, sometimes they help sabotage me too. Unwittingly of course ( I hope ).  “You look great. Don’t change for anyone except yourself.” etc. Do I need them to love me less and be harder on me?

Keeping my efforts at weight loss quiet is kind of hard for me.  I lose 5 or so lbs and you can tell pretty quickly. My face looks less puffy and my stomach gets flatter. Great for motivation, not so good when you’re trying to fly under the radar. I’m looking for excuses to use without sounding too mean.

Best of luck to us on the path.