lolaislosingit

So I’ve found a new diet.  It’s called the saving money diet. Pretty easy to follow.  No eating out, no cooking large meals, recycling leftovers.

Since deciding to tighten my family’s belt (literally and figuratively), I have been eating much better. My son gets all the second helpings, and I eat the smaller portions of meat and dessert.  In fact, I don’t get dessert until he’s had seconds of it. I don’t know if he’s noticed or not but I know it’s working for me.

Sometimes I think about my decision to cancel my gym membership and wonder if it was a wise decision. Then I think about the fact that I’m way more committed to working out at home than going to the gym. I would always find excuses not to go to the gym. Gas money, being too tired after work, the gym is too busy, etc. I don’t have any of those excuses now and I’m working out more. Hmm, who’d a thunk it.

Here’s a big ice water toast to all of us on the wellness track. Cheers!

Recovering from working back to back twelve hour shifts in triage.  Thankfully last night was better than Saturday.  Still, very silly people but maybe at least they weren’t coming up to the window to complain every 2 seconds.

I ate every 3-4 hours. All stuff that I had packed. Drank super loads of water. Very little coffee which is my weakness.

Didn’t even think about going to the hospital’s Friendly’s. Should I really give myself credit for not going to Friendly’s? I only ask that because I asked my son to hide my debit card before I went to work. I didn’t have access to it, so I couldn’t have bought food even if I wanted to. A good day is a good day any way you get it though, right?

Here’s to continuing good days for all.

Why do people come to the ER in the middle of the night for things that have been bothering them for days/weeks/months? And they come in droves to a hospital that is dead-smack in the center of one of the most violent cities in the state of Massachusetts. That wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t Saturday night. Alcohol + clubs + guns (or knives) = VERY LONG WAIT.

If you walk in and you’re not having trouble breathing, having chest pain, bleeding to death, or not holding one of your limbs you are going to the waiting room. FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

And NO you will not be seen right away.  YES, it will be a LONG TIME. NO the doctor can’t just take care of your “little problem” and then send you home, if they did that for all the little problems the really sick people would never be seen. NO I will not move you ahead of other people because you “just can’t wait that long to be seen”. Yes, even you with the private insurance, but feel free to tell all of the other people waiting before you that they are not that sick and they don’t have as good insurance as you do. I will page the trauma team right now that they will be getting a trauma soon.  

And for the 3 people who actually called their doctor first - NO, your doctor did not “call ahead” to tell us you were coming and reserve you a bed in the ER, he can’t do that anyway. The doctors of the really sick patients get them booked to the floor as a direct admit no stopping at the ER unless they stop breathing.

NO, taking an ambulance for a non life-threatening problem will not get you in sooner. Our charge nurse will take the CMED call from the ambulance, get you banded when you come in and send you out to triage to see me. And unless something drastic changes in the 100 feet you get wheeled down, you will probably be going to the waiting room.

YES, YOUR child with the 103 fever will be going to the waiting room after I give him/her Motrin. Why? Because YOU were supposed to give him/her Motrin at home - especially since he/she has had a fever for 6 hours and YOU didn’t.  What do you mean they won’t drink medicine?  That’s why tylenol rectal suppositories were made - try and spit that at me. 

And NO, I did not send you to the waiting room.  Our new fancy, shmancy, bizillion dollar computer generated triage program did. I plug in the info you give me, your vital signs and voila, you will be having a seat until you’re called. But lucky for you, we have medics in the waiting room who will check your vital signs every 1-2 hours until you are called into a room. So no, you will not be left to die unattended - please stop saying that. But if you look like you’re worse, have a concerning change in your vital signs I will up-triage you and get you inside.

Woah! Sorry, 12 hours being triage nurse last night has fried my circuit board.  No, I’m not usually this jaded, but seriously? Can people at least come up with new and interesting excuses for why THEY cannot wait in the waiting room. So sorry, had to vent.

On the up side, I stuck to my diet.  If I could stop myself from having a free large sundae after hearing, “Is it going to be much longer” for the millionth time, I think I’m gonna be alright.

Here’s to hoping tonight is better. 

Half my day’s work is done. Working out, laundry, dishes conquered. In that order. Why mention any of that? I’m starting to prioritize my needs.

 Spending most of yesterday in a jacket covering up my top half was both disheartening and motivating. Why?  I spent the day with some friends on a boat with our kids. Surrounded by people I’m comfortable with, I still wasn’t comfortable enough to take off my jacket and expose my upper body. I wasn’t even the heaviest woman there, but I just couldn’t.

I have made some inroads along that route though. I wore a skirt. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, but if you knew my aversion to exposing my arms and legs you would realize how big a deal it is.

I think back to when showing of my body didn’t cause me shame and inner humiliation. I even got a little thrill out of it. No use crying over spilled milk. Getting the mess cleaned up and making sure you avoid it happening again is much more important. On my way. Wish me luck, and same to you.

I’m at home, with my feet up hoping the swelling will go down. The dawgs are barkin’ and achin’. Can’t even spare the extra “g”. 

I’m guessing I’ll have to watch what I eat very closely since exercise is most likely out of the question.  I got out of the car limping like an old lady.  Turbo jam is gonna be napping today.  What’s a girl to do?

As I gaze upon my son today I realize I am now the mother of a high school student. 

A very hungry high school student.  I watch in awe/horror/amazement at my son eating. Surely being able to eat this much is illegal.  Last day of school request? Lunch at his favorite restaurant - Royal Buffet.  And it certainly lives up to its name. Massive quantities of food, really good food. I can’t deny him, we only eat out once every other week now. But watching him eat is something otherworldly. 

His appetite has gotten bigger since March. My food bill is $500 or more per month.  For two people! Why should that bother me? I am constantly surrounded by food. High calorie food. And before you ask, no it cannot be low calorie food.  His health reasons not mine. 

We are two ends of a diet spectrum. He needs to eat as much as he can as often as he can to put on and keep weight.  I need to eat healthy, low cal food eaten on a regular schedule to lose weight and keep it off. Where’s my balance? My doctor pities me, his doctor laughs at us. I’m starting to lose my mind. 

Thankfully I got through the buffet with minimal damage.  I made myself drink two glasses of ice water before having a plate from the buffet.  I limited myself to two plates with each having 50% veggies, 25%carbs, 25% protein. Nothing fried, nothing oily. And my second plate had left overs. Eating right in the face of gluttony is hard. Especially gluttony with no side effects. lol 

One meal down, one more meal and two snacks to go. Planning on laying down for a nap and skipping dinner. Gonna have a snack before going to work at 11, then eat my meal and my other snack at work tonight.  Sounds like a plan! Good luck to us all…

When you want to make a big change in your life do you choose $$ over real change.  Given this economy losing $600 a month is not necessarily prudent.  What would prompt such a change?  Life and health.

My doctor told me my weight is making me sick. (duh) I have been diagnosed with diabetes type 2 - insulin resistance. My blood pressure is 140s over 70s. So I’ve been started on oral diabetic meds. After a visit to the podiatrist I got hit with more bad news. The extra pounds combined with long hours on my feet have resulted in stress fractures in my ankle bones. Making it painful to work and exercise.

Though none of this in and of itself can be blamed on working nights, it sure doesn’t seem to help. So my doctor has told me that I need to find a way to regulate diet and exercise. She suggested changing shifts. It will help me keep to a breakfast, lunch, dinner and walking schedule that I need. Now the kicker - can I afford to lose $600 a month? That’s a car payment and car insurance. Finding a day position isn’t the problem. It’s knowing that I’ll have to work another day to make up for the loss of income. Right now that doesn’t seem like it would be the best thing to do.

My night supervisor has promised to give me as set a schedule as she can. This could help me coordinate my eating and exercise too.  I just don’t know if I’ll make a significant enough changes in a short amount of time to bring the health benefits I need. 

I’ve been doing much better since seeing my doc. Eating well, walking daily, doing my exercise DVDs.  Should I give it more time or take the first day position that comes my way? I know my lack of exercise and bad eating choices have put me in this position. I feel that I should be stricter with myself and give it a month before making such a drastic change. Picking your health over paying the bills seems like it would be an easy choice.  Why am I having such a hard time?

Trying to find inspiration and motivation. 

Came home from BFF’s house to find my dog gone. Crazy Ginger. My son is going to be VERY sad. How does a dog escape from a fenced in yard? An amazingly not smart dog. She couldn’t find her way out of a paper bag. My only hope is that she gets found and returned to the shelter we got her from. She’s too old to be out there by herself. I’m too sad. Too sad to eat even.

Ahh…the weekend. Most people love it, I dread it. Time to work. After being off Monday through Friday, having to go in on Saturday is hard. Or maybe it’s just the time off. It seems harder this week. Thankfully, I’ve been able to be on track with my weight loss and exercise regimen.  A tiny slip yesterday when I overindulged in chips and salsa, but overall I’m very happy.

I’ve been inside almost all week due to this silly rain. Good for the lawn, bad for my  morale. Even the poor dog doesn’t want to walk further than a couple of blocks. : (   I’ve compensated by furiously cleaning the house and prepping trim for painting. Trying to make up for inactivity and blahs. My house has never been prettier. DVD player is starting to complain and request a day off. The Firm workouts are making my butt hurt and my legs burn.

Where’s the problem then? Today I have to go over my BFF’s house after she has LASIK surg. Though I’ve exercised already today, I’m used to being much more active. What can I do to pass the time other than overeat?  Can’t make too much noise.  She’s getting valium, her husband couldn’t get anyone to cover his 11p-7a shift so he’s gonna be sleeping from 4-9. Poor guy worked last night too and her surg is at 830a today. I got the last half of the shift.

I’m planning on bringing my mp3 player, 2 frozen dinners, low point snacks, 3 books and sudokus. I can’t go for a walk because I have to check up on her, so I’m pretty much stuck inside. Any suggestions?

Long time no post.  Too embarrassed by my lack of weight loss. I still feel like this is the place for me though. My outlet for all my feelings. 

So when you have the tools and the knowledge, how do you put them to use? Or rather, how do you make yourself do it?  I’ve gotta find the answer. 

The economy and assorted issues have made me make some hard decisions. As usual, cutting stuff to save money starts with me. I’ve quit the gym to save $$ on membership fees and gas costs.  Eating out has gone from 4 times or more a week to once or twice every other week.  Have been superstrict at work, bringing my lunch and snacks and leaving my debit card at home. The upside, I’ve haven’t gained weight. The downside, I’ve been sampling too much of the homemade goodies people offer.  Curses!!

I’m at 211 pounds this morning. 210.8 to quote the scale. The scale is only being used once a week, Tuesday mornings.  Why such a random day? I work back to back 12 hour shifts on Saturday and Sunday.  My ankles look like logs come Monday.  Takes til Tuesday for them to go down.

Working out at home has become my mental salvation. Who would’ve thunk it?  I always felt I needed the gym to get away feel motivated.  As if surrounding myself with likeminded people would make me like exercising.  I actually felt worse.  I would exercise superhard because I didn’t want anyone to think the fattie wasn’t working out hard enough. I know they’re not really, just my guilt working it’s magic. Then my feet would hurt so bad I wouldn’t go back for days, weeks sometimes. 

 At home I pop in a DVD, pause it when I’m short of breath, catch up when I’ve recovered.  Without feeling like anyone’s judging me I’ve started doing 2 DVDs a day.  Takes me longer, but I feel great.  Food doesn’t seem to temp me as much either.  I have a fridge and pantry full of food, but I’m only eating when I’m hungry. 

It’s only been 2 months so we shall see.  Positive thoughts