lolaislosingit

 Moving past my little slip-up yesterday. And learned something too.

 I eat when I’m sleepy. Looking at my food/eating journal certainly helped me figure it out. 

I’d gotten up at 3am yesterday after maybe 6 hours of sleep. By noon, was super tired. Should’ve taken a nap. Couldn’t. Had a pretty packed afternoon. Commitments that had to be honored, etc. Well, by 430pm I was falling asleep. But, there was no sleep coming for me for another three hours. I had a lowfat vanilla soft serve mix-in with strawberries & bananas. For dinner? Taco Bell quesadilla.

Went into my weekly flex points for 8 points. Not bad, just don’t like going in for that many in one day. Will do better today and the rest of the week.  I’m almost looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Silly, huh? I think it’ll help me tackle food cravings, temptation to eat when tired, all that jazz.

Had a slip-up, but refuse to undo the good that I’ve done so far. Moving past, looking forward - strength of mind and spirit!!

Yep, slow and steady wins the race. Got weighed in this morning. Down another 1.2 lbs. Super excited. Can’t remember ever losing weight the week before my period. This is good.

I’m not even upset that I didn’t lose more. I did the plan to the letter. Even had some leftover flex points at the end of the week. Normally I would have been disappointed. Might even have been tempted to treat myself to dinner at a nice restaurant and blow my weekly flex points. Not close to feeling that today.  I’m gonna have my feet done and get a fabulous massage as a treat. Won’t feel guilty about spending the money, cuz it’s only $20.

Yay!! Weight loss and a fabulous treat at a discount. Gonna take a lot today to make it better.

Still going strong that is. Almost 2 weeks. A new me that does not make - I know, but I’m feeling good. Have been able to keep a handle on my cravings. Not turning to mindless snacking in the middle of my night when I’m up with another bout of insomnia. Even sneaking in 10 minutes of low impact aerobics at a time.

I’m reveling in the motivation machine that is me. Is that prideful, boastful? I don’t mean to be. I’m just in shock that I’m still this into it. It’s not that I don’t anticipate a slip. I’m human. But I have thought about it, and I have a plan. Won’t ditch the whole thing. Will just start anew the next meal. I wouldn’t total my car if it got a small scratch on it. I won’t total my plans if I have a small slip.

Here’s to us all in the new year! 

Here it is, a new year and I’m back on the same path. Gained last year, planning on losing it this year. Again.

One new thing? I want it BAD. Worse than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. It’s burning a hole in my gut the intensity. So much so, that I joined WW days before Christmas. Yes, again. lol

I was overcome with this antsy “Get the hell up, get in your car, and drive your ass to WW NOW!!” feeling. I’d worked 2 twelve hour shifts in a row Saturday and Sunday. Had only gotten 5 or so hours of sleep. Was still barely conscious. Didn’t care - looked up the nearest and soonest meeting online. It was the last meeting of the day and it was starting in 40 min. Printed out my pass, got my things together and took off. Got there with 20 min to spare. The lady asked me if I’d ever been there before. Told her yes, but I didn’t want to talk about it. Just wanted to join, get weighed and stay for the meeting.

Lost 6.4 lbs the first week. Fantastic. My goal is to lose 1 lb per week, or 4 lbs per month by August. Why August? Two reasons. First, I want to. Second, I’m in a wedding in August. I know it may seem like the wedding may have motivated me, but it didn’t. I really needed to do this. To be healthy the way I used to be. I was so fierce and healthy when I was a size 10-12, but hadn’t stepped on a scale. Gonna get there again. 

To that end, I’m happy to report that I’ve managed to wrestle a few cravings to the ground and submit them. Have been severely and sorely tempted, but I came out on top.

2010 - It’s my year!! Here I come, I hope you’re ready for me!!

Missing out on life. Today I skipped a good friend’s wedding with an excuse that I had horrible gastrointestinal issues. By that, I actually meant that I’m a chicken s#@t.

The real reason I didn’t go? I couldn’t find anything that fit nicely and looked good. I tried mind you. Early am shopping to beat the crowds on several days, did my hair so I could imagine what I’d look like today.

I know I should have just sucked up my own insecurities and helped my friend celebrate on such an important day. Easier said than done.

The worse part, even worse than missing her special day, was lying. I know my friend would never doubt the reason I gave for not being there. I sent a text via my BFF, cowardly I know. She won’t doubt me either. In fact, she called me an hour ago to check up on me and ask if I needed anything. I sure do, a new honest soul.

Is this what I’ve become? So ashamed of my weight and how I look that I would rather lie to my friends, hide myself and miss important life moments? What is wrong with me?

There are those who say, “Forget what size you want to be. Dress the best you can right now and enjoy your life.” I’m not there yet, and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to admit that I have to pay extra for larger clothes that aren’t as stylish because I need to hide my heavy thighs and blubbery arms.

I’m waiting for the tears to come. They haven’t yet. I think I’m too numb over what I did. Sleep won’t come easy tonight.

Take care everyone, and best of luck to us all on this weight loss journey. Sending positive thoughts.

Yes, dang Dunkin’ Donuts. Or rather, my weakness to their glazed donuts. I’ll have to spend a longer time on the treadmill. Or squeeze in another cardio class.

When will I learn? Nothing taste as good as thin feels. And that is the truth. No meal or dessert has ever made me feel the way I felt when I put on a dress and look smokin’. I don’t mean skinny either. I mean healthy, with just the right balance of muscle and curves.

Makes me so disappointed in myself. Having to start all over is daunting, even on a meal to meal basis. Thinking of squeezing in another workout, even one I like is…well, there are no words right now. Oh well, nothing to do but get it done.

Here’s to hoping that I have a better day. Good luck to us all.

I’m trying all sorts of new exercises so I won’t get bored with the usual cardio machines and free weights.  Belly dancing is great!!  I thought I’d have a little fun and burn a few cals, but it’s been better than that.  I’ve been sweating like crazy and I’m sore all over.

The ladies in the classes are all shapes and sizes, but are required to wear something that shows a little bit of midriff. Even when my moves aren’t perfect, I feel good doing them. Never have I felt so sexy while losing weight. Scratch that, I’ve never felt sexy exercising in any gym. No watching is allowed, if guys want to watch they have to be actively participating. Needless to say we’ve not had one single guy opt to stay. We feel free to dance, look and be sexy. And yes, lose weight.

Here’s to hoping that everything is coming together. Good luck to us all.

The only good thing about this heat is that I do not want to turn on the stove, oven, toaster oven, or microwave to make anything to eat. So my waistline is shrinking, but my self imposed ban on ice cream is wavering. It’s not that I’ve said never, just want to put off eating it as much as possible. And most cool/cold things to eat I can’t (don’t) seem to stop at one.  Maybe I’ll drown myself in ice water and diet soda.

My brain and body are battling each other. When I’m not dead tired and ravenous, I’m awake, boiling hot and nauseated by the sight of food.  AARRGGHH!!

It’s actually 0230 in the morning on Tuesday and I’m craving everything. I can’t get to sleep. I’ve been trying. Every time I get tired I go upstairs to lay down and…nothing.

So I’m here trying to distract myself from eating, then feeling guilty about it, then overeating because I gave up trying not to eat. Maybe if I keep my fingers busy typing, I’ll keep my hands away from my mouth. We shall see…

Let’s hope for the best.

Gearing up for another Saturday in the war zone of the ER. Knife and gun club are sure to be drinking early and celebrating late. Hope my feet are up to it.

Overcame my almost choking need to eat due to stress this afternoon. I knew I was sleep deprived, had a stressful situation, and reached for the sweets. Stopped myself mid-reach and spent the extra 10 min prepping for lunch and a brown-bag meal for work. Not necessarily a whoop-whoop but all the little steps count toward the goal of a better life right?

 Well, it’s 3:45 and I need to take a nap before work. Good luck to all.